I Love You, I'm Sorry, Please Forgive Me, Thank You
by Dr. Joe Vitale
Two
years ago, I heard about a therapist in
Hawaii who cured a complete ward of criminally insane patients –
without ever
seeing any of them. The psychologist would study an
inmate's chart and then look
within himself to see how he created that person's illness.
As he improved
himself, the patient improved.
When
I first heard this story, I thought it was
an urban legend. How could anyone heal anyone else by healing
himself? How could
even the best self-improvement master cure the criminally insane?
It
didn't make any sense. It wasn't logical, so I
dismissed the story.
However,
I heard it again a year later. I heard
that the therapist had used a Hawaiian healing process called
ho'oponopono. I
had never heard of it, yet I couldn't let it leave my mind. If the
story was at
all true, I had to know more.
I
had always understood "total responsibility" to
mean that I am responsible for what I think and do. Beyond that,
it's out of my
hands. I think that most people think of total responsibility that
way. We're
responsible for what we do, not what anyone else does. The
Hawaiian therapist
who healed those mentally ill people would teach me an advanced
new perspective
about total responsibility.
His
name is Dr. Ihaleakala Hew Len. We probably
spent an hour talking on our first phone call. I asked him to tell
me the
complete story of his work as a therapist. He explained that he
worked at Hawaii
State Hospital for four years. That ward where they kept the
criminally insane
was dangerous. Psychologists quit on a monthly basis. The staff
called in sick a
lot or simply quit. People would walk through that ward with their
backs against
the wall, afraid of being attacked by patients. It was not a
pleasant place to
live, work, or visit.
Dr.
Len told me that he never saw patients. He
agreed to have an office and to review their files. While he
looked at those
files, he would work on himself. As he worked on himself, patients
began to
heal.
"After
a few months, patients that had to be
shackled were being allowed to walk freely," he told me. "Others
who had to be
heavily medicated were getting off their medications. And those
who had no
chance of ever being released were being freed."
I
was in awe.
"Not
only that," he went on, "but the staff began
to enjoy coming to work. Absenteeism and turnover disappeared. We
ended up with
more staff than we needed because patients were being released,
and all the
staff was showing up to work."
This
is where I had to ask the million dollar
question: "What were you doing within yourself that caused those
people to
change?"
"I
was simply healing the part of me that created
them," he said.
I
didn't understand.
Dr. Len explained that total
responsibility for
your life means that everything in your life – simply because
it is in your
life – is your responsibility. In a literal sense the entire
world is your
creation.
Whew.
This is tough to swallow. Being responsible
for what I say or do is one thing. Being responsible for what
everyone in my
life says or does is quite another. Yet, the truth is this: if you
take complete
responsibility for your life, then everything you see, hear,
taste, touch, or in
any way experience is your responsibility because it is in your
life.
This
means that terrorist activity, the
president, the economy – anything you experience and don't like –
is up for you to
heal. They don't exist, in a manner of speaking, except as
projections from
inside you. The problem isn't with them, it's with you, and to
change them, you
have to change you.
I
know this is tough to grasp, let alone accept
or actually live. Blame is far easier than total responsibility,
but as I spoke
with Dr. Len, I began to realize that healing for him and in
ho'oponopono means
loving yourself. If you want to improve your life, you have to
heal your life.
If you want to cure anyone – even a mentally ill criminal – you do
it by healing
you.
I
asked Dr. Len how he went about healing
himself. What was he doing, exactly, when he looked at those
patients' files?
"I
just kept saying, 'I'm sorry' and 'I love you'
over and over again," he explained.
That's
it?
That's
it.
Turns
out that loving yourself is the greatest
way to improve yourself, and as you improve yourself, you
improve your world.
Let me give you a quick example of how this works: one day,
someone sent me an
email that upset me. In the past I would have handled it by
working on my
emotional hot buttons or by trying to reason with the person who
sent the nasty
message. This time, I decided to try Dr. Len's method. I kept
silently saying,
"I'm sorry" and "I love you." I didn't say it to anyone in
particular. I was
simply evoking the spirit of love to heal within me what was
creating the outer
circumstance.
Within
an hour I got an e-mail from the same
person. He apologized for his previous message. Keep in mind that
I didn't take
any outward action to get that apology. I didn't even write him
back. Yet, by
saying "I love you," I somehow healed within me what was creating
him.
In
short, Dr. Len says there is no out there. It would take a whole
book to explain this
advanced technique with the depth it deserves. Suffice it
to say that whenever
you want to improve anything in your life, there's only one
place to look:
inside you.
And
when you look, do it with love.
Note: This article is edited from the book Zero Limits by Dr. Joe Vitale and Dr. Len. You can listen to Joe talk about his experience with Dr. Len and his involvement with the inspiring movie, The Secret, on News for the Soul by clicking here. He starts talking about Dr. Len at minute 15 in this highly engaging one-hour interview.
Dr.
Len's message may be quite hard to believe, yet it's amazingly
simple. He states that we are all responsible for everything that
we see in our world. By taking full personal responsibility and
then healing the wounded places within ourselves, we can literally
heal ourselves and our world. As related by Joe Vitale in the
radio interview, Dr. Len suggests a four-stage process
for this work. Whenever a place for healing presents
itself in your life, open to the place where the hurt resides
within you. After identifying this place, with as much feeling as
you can, say
the below four statements:
- I love you.
- I'm sorry.
- Please forgive me.
- Thank you.
For
several inspiring articles on this process from Dr. Len's website,
click on the "Articles" tag at his website, http://www.self-i-dentity-through-hooponopono.com.
Even if you are skeptical, consider giving this simple healing
method a try to see what happens. Many have found it to be
incredibly profound in their lives. And for a powerful online
lesson which brings this all home, click here. Thanks for taking the time to
read this story and may your life open to ever more healing and
miracles. I love you. I'm sorry. Please forgive me. Thank you.
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